Progress Made is No Progress At All
by socold4you
Summary: Ashley is in college and trying to move on in life. She's pushed everything and everyone who was imporatnt away. Can a new friend help her realize she needs to let herself open up and let the people who care for her in? Or will she continue to deny hersel
1. Starting Up

I walked slowly through the entrance doors to the dorm I would be staying in for the following year. I clenched the black strap to the back pack that was flung over my shoulder. I was nervous. I was nervous about living with a complete and total stranger. I was praying to God that A: my room mate wouldn't be some horny, jockstrap guy and B: that it wouldn't be some horny, self-destructive or a self-centered girl. I had enough people in my life that were horny, jockstrap, self-centered, self-destructive people. I didn't need any more of them.

I walked slowly through the entrance hall, taking in everything and everyone that passed me by. I had decided to go to a school that was completely dedicated to "the arts," so it was no surprise to me when my ears were filled with about 10 million different songs at once. It was also no surprise when many different peoples filled the collage dorm. There were people covered in piercings and tattoos, people still "sporting" the 80's and 90's look, and then there were normal enough people.

I went to my right and started up the stairs, heading toward my dorm room. I had been here before to explore the campus, trying to figure out where everything was. I wanted to make things a little easier for when I arrived and had to walk my way through the "madness." Nothing bothered me about this place so far, the only thing that I was concerned about at all was who my room mate was going to be.

When I reached the top landing of the stairs, on the second floor, I went down the hall to the left. The top of the building was more crowded than the first floor. I could barely make my way through the sea of people that were all carrying at least one huge bag filled with crap, just like myself.

As I made my way to where my dorm was, there were three types of music blaring into my ears, mixing in an interesting way in my head. From the door to the right I could hear heavy metal blaring. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind heavy metal. In fact, there are quite a few heavy metal bands I am very into. I just don't think I could handle it all the time. From the door to the left I could hear hip-hop/rap blaring. I didn't mind that type of music either. It was very good to dance to, but that's all it's good for, in my opinion. Luckily, my dorm room was the door in the middle of the wall, and what seemed like "fun" music was blaring from the room.

I came closer to the room. The music coming from it was some band doing an impression/cover of the song "Where Is the Love?" It sounded really funny, which made me at ease. Maybe my new room mate was easy going and fun. If that was the case, I didn't even really care what sex they were.

I walked into the room and dropped my black duffle bag inside, near the front door. I was brought to face a young woman who was having fun dancing around to her "fun" music while unpacking.

She seemed to be about as tall as I was, maybe a few inches taller. She had dark brown, almost black hair that was slowly falling from the bun it was put up in as she danced and unpacked to her music. She wore a tight green t-shirt that had the word "Fender" across it in black letters; that gave me the idea that she might be here for "advancing" her musical skills. The black, lose, faded, ripped jeans she wore hung low off her hips as if they would fall off of her any minute. And the shoes she wore were black etnies, slightly matching her clothes.

She noticed me a few seconds after I took in her appearance and she began to take in mine. She walked a few steps infront of her, to my left, and lowered her music and walked toward me, smiling. She extended her hand out to shake mine, and I shook her hand gratefully, noticing her bright hazel eyes. "She seems friendly enough" I thought.

"I'm Sara," She said, her voice rolling off her tongue in a calm way, "Sara Simpson."

I smirked at her name. It just sounded funny. "I'm Ashley Davies" I said as she released my hand from her grip.

"So, you're my new room mate" Sara said smiling, walking over to the right wall where a black leather couch was placed against the wall, and sat down.

"Room 202 right?" I asked as I kicked my duffle bag into the room farther and sat down on the black leather couch that was leaned up against the far wall of the room.

"Yup" She said smiling, her eyes seemed to be examining me in some way.

"Then yes, I am your new room mate" I said as I relaxed into the comfy leather of the couch.

"Alright, I'd like to tell you now that you have my sympathy for having to live with me for a hole year. Oh, that sounds like some harsh punishment" She said laughing at herself, making me smile. "I do pick up after myself. I always do my share of the work. But I can be quite . . . what's the word?" She asked herself, her eyes still on me but not concentrating on me. "I can be quite boisterous."

I laughed at her. This girl's presence made me feel so comfortable. "That's alright. I'll hold nothing against you."

"Score!" She said as she raised her hand in the air and brought it back down.

"Though I think it's fair that I warn you about myself" I said, knowing I could be a handful.

"Feel free to, but I wouldn't hold anything against you anyway. I'm more forgiving than I'd like to be" She said smiling as she put her feet on top of the wooden table that was placed in between the two couches, making herself more comfortable.

"Good to know, I'll try not to take advantage of that" I said smiling, also making myself more comfortable by placing my feet on top of the wooden table.

"Much obliged."

"But, I've had . . . ummm . . . serious problems that sometimes I find very tempting to do when I'm depressed enough"I told her, a smile still on my face but my voice sounding sad.

"Alright, you don't need to get detailed. I get the picture. Self destructive?" She asked, her smile more sympathetic than happy and free going like it had been.

"Yeah" I said more sadly than I would have liked.

"That's okay. I can be too. So, let's lay down some rules" She said, trying to brighten the mood.

"Alright" I said as she made me feel comfortable once again.

Sara removed herself from her sitting position and walked into one of the rooms, the one she seemed to have claimed for herself. She came out with a giant erasable board and a few markers. She sat back down and put the giant board on the wooden table, gesturing for me to sit up. I sat up and watched as she wrote in red "Rules and Regulations for Dorm Room 202!" I laughed lightly at the corniness before she began to discuss the rules with me.

"Okay, rule number one: Respect everyone while you are in this room!" She wrote down, looking at me for approval. I nodded in agreement and she continued. "Rule number two: Consult your room mate before doing anything major to/with the dorm room." She looked at me again and I nodded my head in agreement.

"Just keep going, I'll interject if I don't like anything" I told her, trusting her judgement of rules.

"Cool" She said as she put her full attention back on the board.

After about thirty minutes of Sara's hard thinking, we had a set of rules for the room. Once we (she) were finished, she hung it up on the wall, next to our "too big for a dorm" refrigerator. They read:

Rules and Regulations for Dorm Room 202!

1) Respect EVERYONE while you are in this room!

I don't care if you're arch rivals! RESPECT EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM PUNK!

2) Consult your room mate before doing anything major to/with the dorm room!

Such as rearanging, throwing parties, redecorating, etc.

3) Respect the space of the other room mate!

Don't invaded their personal space ... or else!

4) Pick up after yourself! Don't be a dirt bag! :O

**You** clog the toilet, **you** clean it! **You** make dirty dishes, **you** clean it! PUNK!

5) If you bring home a "Special Friend" put a sign on the front door of the room and the door to your room! (NO ONE WANTS TO WALK IN ON SOMEONE DOING THE DIRTY DEED!)

Put a hair band on the door nob, or a tie, or a shirt, or just out a sign on it that says "DOING THE DEED! GO AWAY PERVERT! etc.

I laughed as I looked at the sign. It had Sara's personality written all over it, literally. Well, what I could tell was her personality anyway. I was still siting down on the couch, relaxing. Sara stood infront of the sign, examining it.

"I feel like I'm in grade school again" Sara said as she laughed, returning to her earlier seat.

"I have some questions" I stated. I was quite curious about some things. "Why do we have such nice furniture? I mean, no dorm room has leather couches, or a huge fridge."

"Well, ya see, that's all my doing" Sara said smiling, holding up her hands as if she were caught for a crime. "There wasn't even a couch in here, but I changed that!" She said proudly, smiling in accomplishment. "See, my family owns a chain of furniture/appliance stores located in California, Nevada, New Mexico, Organ, New Jersey, New York, and Texas. I asked my loving father for some furniture. He gladly obliged. He even gave discounts on furniture to any students who were going to this school. All because of me!" She stated proudly again in a childish manner, making me laugh again.

"Okay, now I understand."

"Did you leave anyone behind?" Sara asked me randomly, automatically bringing memories of **_her_** into my head.

"Did you?" I asked, wanting to avoid the subject as long as I possibly could.

"I asked first!" She wined, but gave in. "Yes, her name's Sheila. She's quite harry, with blonde hair, and likes to lick people a lot. She walks on four paws . . . "

"I mean a person" I said laughing, noticing how she was avoiding the subject as well.

I became shocked when her eyes turned deep shades of brown and yellow. Her smile was still plastered on her face, but her eyes were seriously betraying the lie she was trying to portray.

"Yes" Sara said, her voice almost sound remorseful. "I left a **_mess_** behind" She said as she rose from her seat and walked over to the fridge.

She took a water bottle from the fridge and began to drink it as if she were dehydrated. With only half of the water bottle left, she sat back down in her seat. She was still smiling but her eyes shone with pain.

"See, I was . . . am in love with my best friend Chelsea" She began, not even caring if the fact that she was in love with someone of the same sex bothered me; it truly did not bother me. "I've been in love with her for as long as I can remember. We've been friends since the second grade, and I can swear to you I've loved her that long. When I was about fifteen, I realized that guys weren't the only sex I was attracted to. There were numerous things I could point out to why I was, but Chelsea was one of the main reasons; I know that to be a fact. And, one day I just told her. I couldn't hold it in anymore. She respected my feelings but said she didn't feel the same way. I understood, and I was glad she still remained to be my best friend."

I smiled at her, a smile of sympathy. I knew the agnizing pain of holding in your feelings for someone. Luckily for me, **_she_** felt the same way.

"I sorta gave up on her. Well, at least on the thought of having an intimate relationship with her. So, I let my heart open up to the idea of loving someone else, and I fell in love." Sara laughed, I guess she was getting to what she considered a "funny" part of this story of her love life. "The kicker is, I fell in love with my other best friend, Steven. To add to that, Chelsea and Steven had been a couple at one period of time, and they were **really** into each other. Oh, the irony" Sara said, cracking a joke at her own pain.

I shook my head and smiled for her benefit. "We'll get along just fine" I thought. "We both seem to hide our feelings."

"I told Steven how I felt, not caring if it bothered Chelsea. By the time I told Steven, I was seventeen and desperate for someone to return the love I held in my heart. Luckily, Steven felt the same way. I was lucky on another account as well; Chelsea didn't care. That relieved me so much. No matter how much I deny it, it would have upset me if she wasn't okay with it; for many reasons. Everything was going great, but then Chelsea came out."

I laughed at that. It may have been inappropriate, but I laughed. It was so ironic how Sara's love life seemed to have turned out. She smiled at me, lightly laughing as well.

"I'm sorry" I said. She nodded and continued.

"That really screwed with my head and heart" Sara said, looking at me with such sadness held in her eyes. "I mean, I loved Steven, don't think I didn't. I would die for him. It's just that . . . Chelsea . . . means more, if that's even possible. And, just knowing she was into girls gave me hope. It also, somehow ... made me want her more. I felt . . . dirty and disgusting because I was dating Steven but dreaming about Chelsea. So I broke up with him, unexpectedly. It hurt me just as much as it hurt him, but I needed to try with Chelsea. I needed to. I wouldn't rest until I knew if I had a chance."

I understood her. I understood how she felt. If Sara loved Chelsea just as much as I loved . . . love **_her_**, then I knew exactly what she was going through; to a t.

"I told her that I still felt the same way a few months before graduation. And the way she smiled at me after I confessed myself told me everything. Next thing I knew, she was my girlfriend; I couldn't have been happier."

"That sounds familiar" I thought to myself as memories of **_her_** came flooding into my mind. "Oh, how familiar . . . "

"But, like everything good in my life, it all burned up in flames. Steven wasn't stupid. He knew why I broke up with him after he sat down and thought it through. He became angry. I don't blame him. I would have too. But he . . . let's just say he went too far" Sara said, pain written on her face, instead off just in her eyes. "By the end of that summer, I wasn't Chelsea's girlfriend, not even her friend. And it was all my doing. I punished myself for what . . . happened. I took a break from . . . life. I spent a whole year traveling to every place I could while everyone I knew went of to collage; it was my escape in a way. I enjoyed traveling place to place. It was relaxing to me. But, I wanted to go to collage, so here I am."

"Wow. That was a long, sad story. And that wasn't even your whole life" I said teasing her, trying to lighten her mood; she was too sad.

"Yeah, well, I can't tell you my life story. I've only known you for about an hour. Only people I know for a full day get to hear my life's story" Sara said as she gulped the other half of her water bottle, trying to crack a joke to make herself smile. "So what about you?" She asked me, making me freeze in my spot. I don't think I was ready to talk about **_her_**. "I mean, I understand if you don't want to talk about it, at least not right now." She said smiling, sticking her tongue out at me. "I know I'm a little more open with people than I should be. Which is why I probably just blurted that whole, long story out to you. But I figured it would be easier for me to just tell you considering I'm going to be living with you for about a year."

I shook my head, understanding her reasons. I just wasn't ready to talk about **_her_** at all. I didn't even want to think about her. It brought me too much pain.

"I'm just . . . not ready" I said, getting an understanding nod.

"Alright, but that's not gonna stop me from being noisy about other things" Sara said laughing, making me lightly laugh as well. "What classes are you taking?"

"Everything and anything to do with music. You?"

"Same, but I'm also taking art classes, as well as a culinary class. To add to it, I'm taking separate classes for history and philosophy."

"Wow," I said, surprised that someone would take that much classes, "like to keep yourself busy?"

"Well, I hate being bored" She said as she rose from her seat. "I gave you the good bedroom" she said, walking over to the door right next to the couch she had been sitting in. "It's got a lovely view."

"How nice of you" I said, walking over to pick up my bag. "What's the catch?"

"No catch. It's just that your room had a bed in it, and mine didn't. And I brought my own bed, so it was easier for me to take the one I have."

"I see" I said a little loudly from inside of my room.

"Okay, I'm going to go get some food. Do you have anything particular that you would like me to get?" I heard Sara ask, here voice sounding farther away by the second.

"No, I'm fine" I shouted at her before I heard the front door to our dorm close.

I took in my room. It was actually really nice. There was a bed on the far wall to my left, one side of it leaned up against the wall. Next to the bed was a pretty big window with an excellent view, just like Sara had said. There was a nice wooden desk leaned against the wall to my right. To the wall to my left were wooden drawers for clothes. I kicked my black duffle back that was at my feet toward the wooden drawers. Why not unpack? I had nothing better to do.


	2. Getting On Track

The sweet taste of **_her_** lingered in my mouth. Each kiss drugged me more and more, taking me to a high only **_she_** could bring me to. **_Her_** touch set my bare skin on fire, leaving each and every part of me wanting more. The fire within me burned for **_her_**, called for **_her_**. I wanted **_her_** so badly.

**_Her_** hands stopped moving over my skin and **_she_** stopped the assault on my mouth. I opened my eyes to meet **_her_** blue orbs shining brightly. And then **_she _**smiled. **_Her_** smile released a shaky breath that was filled with the sweetest sorrow. A single tear slid down**_ her _**beautiful face and then I was left with darkness.

I woke up with my hole body trembling. That dream always haunted me. It was so innocent, so blurry, but it frightened me. In that dream, **_she_** slipped away from me, and **_she_** was so close. I could literally still taste **_her_** as if**_ she_** had really been kissing me. My skin still burned from **_her_** touch, but **_she_** hadn't really been touching me. My heart ached from feeling **_her _**so close and then watching **_her_** disappear into nothingness. It was like for a small moment of time I could see **_her_** again within that dream, and it broke my heart when **_she_** was ripped away from me once again.

I looked around to remember where I was. I was in my dorm room, in my bed room. I had laid down after I had put all of my clothes into drawers. For some reason, I was so tired. I just felt simply exhausted. So I laid down on my uncovered bed and just blanked out. As I looked around the room though, I became curious.

There was now a light on top of the desk in my room, allowing me to see. Near the lamp was a set of purple sheets for my bed, and the quilt that belonged to it was on top of my body. I slowly sat up and stretched, only having an idea where these things came from; Sara. I slung my feet over the edge of my bed and stood up, the quilt that was over me slowly sliding off of my body.

As I slowly walked closer to my bedroom door, which was now closed, I could hear music becoming louder and louder. I paused when I reached my door. The song sounded enticing. The acoustic guitar I could hear playing sounded like a haunted melody. And the voice, Sara's voice, sounded as if she had gone over the edge of insanity.

I opened my bedroom door slowly, trying not to disturb her playing. Once the door was opened, I stood in the door way and watched Sara play. She was sitting on the same couch she had been sitting on earlier when we were talking, so her back was toward me. She hadn't noticed I was there, which was great. I wanted to hear a bit of her song before she noticed my presence and stopped. I mean, I would stop if I was playing and saw her come into the room, I would if anyone walked into the room. I don't really know why, but that was always the way it seemed to work.

I listened to new words intently. Her voice sounded strained and sad, making it really sound like she was insane. Her stokes on the guitar were hard but fit with the attitude of the song. The song was . . . sexy in a way, but very crude. I laughed lightly to myself as I heard the lyrics enter my head.

_I know it wasn't in my head_

_when you said my name so perfectly_

_I touched you inside,_

_so good to feel within you_

_I caused you heaven_

_and a little bit more_

_I watched you shake,_

_I made you quiver_

_I'm the one who made you climb so high,_

_no one else can deliver that feeling_

_You cum in my hands_

_sweet extasy_

_the smell of you all over,_

_sinking in my skin_

_Nothing ever felt better_

_than to see you washed away_

_by the waves of touch_

It seemed Sara noticed my presence because she abruptly stopped playing and turned around to face me. She smiled and a quick laugh escaped her throat.

"A little . . . blunt, don't you think?" Sara asked me, I assumed, about the song.

"Only a little," I said as I smiled at her, "but I liked it. You sounded . . . real, if anything. It sounded like you meant it."

"Hah, but it was still very blunt and crude" She said as she took the guitar off of her lap and sat it down next to her on the couch.

I walked over to the couch that I had been sitting in earlier. I sat down and relaxed into it, feeling as if sleep would take over my body once again. I stared at her guitar as I leaned back into the comfy black leather of the couch. The guitar was a nice tan color. The wood looked smooth and simple. The strings of the guitar seemed to shine were ever light hit them, giving it an expensive look.

"Damn" I said as I become slightly lost in my thoughts.

"What?" Sara asked me as she saw my gaze lingering on her guitar.

"Nothing. It's just that my mother had a spazz attack and smashed my guitar to bits. I never really got a chance to get another one."

"Oh, well, you can have one of mine" Sara said smiling warmly as she stood up and walked into her room.

She came back out with a black hard cover case. She placed the case on top of the wooden table and quickly opened it. The guitar that was revealed was beautiful. It was a deep red color and it shone in the rays of light that hit it. The strings, just like Sara's other guitar, shone as well, giving it a very expensive look. I could smell the wonderful odor of wood flooding from the case, giving me a calming effect.

Sara gently took the guitar out of the case and handed it to me. I took it without hesitation and began to slide my hands over the smooth wood of the guitar. She handed me a pick that she seemed to get from nowhere and I began to play. It hurt my hands a little, considering I hadn't played in a long time. The metal strings slightly dug into my fingers, bringing a welcomed pan. It just felt so good to play again.

"Hmm, that guitar and you seem to go together nicely" Sara said smiling contently. "Keep it. It seems so perfect for you."

"I couldn't" I said as I stopped playing and tried to hand her the guitar back.

"Obviously, you haven't gone in my room or even looked in it. There are plenty, and I mean plenty of guitars in there" Sara said smiling, refusing to take the guitar from my hands. "Plus, I couldn't see you part with that guitar after seeing it in your hands. Like I said, it seems perfect for you. And if you don't keep it, I'll be insulted."

I smiled at her gratefully. I really liked this guitar. I didn't even know why. I just knew that I was in love with it. Ha, I fell in love with a guitar, haha.

"Fine, but you're too nice" I said as I began to play the . . . my guitar.

"Yeah, I know" Sara said nocturnally as she moved the case from the table and placed it on the ground beside the couch she was sitting in.

She picked the guitar she had been playing and listened. She was waiting to hear what I was playing. I didn't really know what I was playing, but I knew who I had made it for. It was a long forgotten song, written for **_her_**. The chords seemed fresh in my mind but I couldn't remember the words at all. It didn't matter though. No song for **_her_**, no matter how great it was, did**_ her_** any justice. **_She_** was too perfect, at least that's what I thought.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Sara begin to play along with me, putting a set of chords together that went along with mine perfectly. Suddenly, I felt alive. I could feel the reason why I loved music so much all over again. It was beautiful.

It had been two weeks since I had come to college and I was already into the swing of things. My classes were going well, I was in the search of a job, and I had a new best friend.

Sara and I had become like sisters. We had so much in common and understood each other, but at the same time we were completely different and couldn't figure each other out. It was good to have a friend again. I could confide in her and she could confide in me. We didn't expect anything from the other person. It was a great friendship. And I was glad that's all it was turning out to be.

Now, I mean, Sara's an attractive girl. In fact, she's quite sexy, but I was glad that neither of us was attracted to each other in a sexual way. It would have just ended up ruining our relationship and then it would have just been like **_her_** again. Although I doubt I could love anyone like I loved . . . love **_her_**.

I was sitting in my dorm, in the living room on the couch when Sara walked in. I looked up and found a huge smile plastered on her face. She walked over to our fridge and took out a bottle of water. She placed it on the wooden table that was near the fridge as she took off her black highschool sweatshirt, revealing a red, tight fitting shirt that read "Paul Reed Smith" on it. She took her water bottle off of the table and sat down on, what had become, her "signature couch."

"Oh, how I love my job" Sara stated in a loving voice, smiling from ear to ear.

"Why is that?" I asked as I raised my head from the notes I had been studying.

"My boss is cool!" Sara said with excitement in her voice, reminding me of a little kid. "Not only does she let me and every other employee do whatever we want, but she's got such a great taste in music! It's like my dream job for college! I get to play around with instruments all day, I get to meet and hang out with really cool, interesting people, and it's a good job to gain experience from. It's so awesome!"

"Were do you work?" I asked her. She had never gotten around to telling me where she worked, and if this job was as great as it sounded I might have applied for the job.

"It's a new chain of music stores called "Take Flight," started by Take Flight Records. It's so cool! There's so many jobs that you can do."

"Like?" I asked, very intrigued.

"You can work in the instrument's department and sell them. You can work in the music section where they sell Cd's, DVD's, and music books. You can work in the recoding booths they have in the back of the store. You can work on their road crew which sets up music equipment from everything too small, local bands to famous musicians who are just stopping by for one quick show. It's the best!"

I smiled in excitement. That job really did sound great! I could learn so much things, broaden my musical horizons. I was praying that they had a job opening.

"So, are they still hiring?" I asked, hoping against hope that she would scream "YES!"

"Yeah," Sara said smiling, knowing I would love the job, "in fact they're dying to get some more people who know how to play instruments, read music, and have some sort of musical experience. And you know that they'd probably hire you in a heart beat. Not only are you the daughter of a famous rock star, but you can sing, play guitar, and you know a thing or two about music."

"Are you serious?" I asked her with a little more excitement than I would have liked.

"Yeah, we can go right now and they'll probably hire you" Sara said as she stood up and put her sweatshirt back on.

"Now?" I asked her to see if she was serious.

"Yeah, come on" She said as she headed toward the front door.

"Wait!" I shouted as I grabbed my sweatshirt that had been draped over the couch and followed her out of the door.

We arrived at this huge store. It resembled a Tower Records store but was much larger and had five floors. When I walked in through the front doors, I was automatically engulfed into a large world of music. The first floor was filled with millions of Cd's, DVD's, and music books. I was convinced they probably had every band's music that ever was, even the small town ones that didn't make it that far.

I followed her through the front of the store all the way to the back. We walked through a door that read "Employees Only" on it and we were greeted with a young man.

"Sara, why are you back so soon?" The young man asked as her walked toward us.

"I can't stay away" Sara said slightly laughing as the young man stopped a few feet in front of her.

I took a moment to take the young man in. He had shaggy light brown hair that fell in his face, covering most of his eyes. He was wearing a nicely fitting black T-shirt that read "Lost Souls, 2005 Tour" on it in white letters. His jeans were blue, faded, and ripped and his shoes were black and faded as well. He was a hot young man, someone I'd probably go after if I was into guys. "Too bad . . . " I thought as I smiled to myself.

When I stopped taking the young man in, I noticed he was checking me out. He smiled at me in a cocky manner and extended his hand out for me to shake it. I shook his hand firmly and before I had a chance to say anything Sara started doing all of the talking.

"Jason, this is Ashley" Sara said, looking back and forth between Jason and I as we released each others hand. "Ashley, this is Jason. Jason is very straight man who's looking for a hot girl to be his little love bug. And Jason, it would be in your own interest to know that Ashley is looking for the same thing."

I laughed as Ashley cracked a joke to slip in my sexual orientation. I guess she did it for my own good, because Jason had been staring at me like I was some sort of prey. That looked changed though into a humerus smile as he laughed at what Sara said.

"Damn Sara. You introduce me to all of these hot friends of yours and **none** of them are straight!" Jason protested in a childish manner. "I mean, seriously, can't you give me a brake?"

"I would never lead an innocent lamb to the slaughter" Sara said smiling and laughing lightly.

"Shut up" Jason said as he punched Sara's arm, and he received a punch in return.

"You to seem like your brother and sister" I said smiling, what I said really seeming true.

"Well, you see, Jason's actually my cousin" Sara informed me. "I hadn't seen him in like five years until I started working here. It really is like working with my brother."

"That's nice" I said, it must be comfortable to work with family.

"Not really, I have to stare at his ugly face all day" Sara said laughing, getting another punch from Jason. After Sara punched him back again, she continued talking. "Is Spazz here, or did I just miss her?"

"She's here, but she's upstairs at one of those fancy-smancy meetings they have."

"Oh."

"Who's Spazz?" I asked, wondering if the name had anything to do with the person's personality.

"My boss. She's the one who would give you a job" Sara said.

"Ow, she wants a job?" Jason asked.

"Why else would I bring her here?" Sara asked him, being a smart ass.

"Shut up" Jason said as he punched Sara once again.

"Hit me again and I'm gonna whoop your ass" Sara said in a slightly humorous, slightly serious voice.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop" Jason said as he put his hands in up the air as an act to surrender.

"You better bitch" I heard Sara mumble, receiving a laugh from me. "Well, can I call her without getting in trouble?"

"Umm, she did say we could call her if there was an emergency . . . "

"Well, this is" Sara said as she took her cell phone out of her pocket and called "Spazz."

I watched Sara as she waited for an answer. After a few moments of silence Sara began talking to, who I assumed, was "Spazz."

"Spazz!" Sara exclaimed happily as a greeting to the person on the other end of the line. "Hey, I have this friend of mine who needs a job. She can play the guitar, sing, and she knows a lot about music." Sara nodded her head to something "Spazz" said and then continued talking. "All right, cool. And sorry to bother you." And with that, Sara hung up her phone, returning it to her pocket.

"What she say?" Jason asked, sounding more anxious than I felt.

"She said that Ashley could have a job. She just wants you to come in with me on Friday so she can clarify a few things for store records. After that, you're all set."

I smiled. I was excited. I was going to get one of the best jobs I could. The only job I could imagine being better was one where I could be touring and singing my music. "I can't wait!" I thought, truly excited for once about any type of work


	3. no way

I had anxiously awaited Friday to come. I mean sure, I "got" the job Thursday but hey, I was **REALLY** excited! I drove with Sara in her old Jeep to "Take Flight." As excited as I was, I was nervous as hell too. But Sara almost completely calmed my nerves by just distracting me.

When we reached "Take Flight" we did the same thing we had done the other day. When we once again entered the room that said "Employees Only" we were greeted by Jason, again.

"Is this all you do?" I asked Jason, actually curious to know if he worked or not.

"Be quiet Ashme" Jason said smiling, standing next to a microwave that was on top of a long table that was leaned up against the wall to the right of me.

"Ashme?" Sara and I asked in union, completely confused.

"Yeah, like eat me, Ashme. You know, since you like to "eat out" a lot . . . "

"Shut up!" I said as Sara and I began to laugh hysterically.

I hadn't even known this guy for a full day and I was comfortable around him, just like with Sara. "Maybe it's something in their genes" I thought.

"You're one to talk" Sara said as she walked closer toward Jason.

"Be quiet Lezy-borden" Jason told Sara, making it known to me what her nickname from him was.

"Lezy-borden eh? It's not as clever as mine" I said teasing Jason.

"You know what Ashme, there wasn't anything good that I could make up to begin with an S. So know she's stuck with Lezy-borden." Jason said as he opened the microwave and pulled out a plate that had four burgers on it.

"Or you could just call me Sara" Sara said as she grabbed two of the burgers off of Jason's plate.

"Heyyyyyyyyyy!" Jason whined as Sara walked over to me quickly, escaping Jason's reach.

"You want one?" Sara asked me, holding a burger in front of my face.

"No thanks, I ate before you picked me up from our dorm" I said to her smiling.

"All right" Sara said as she took a bite out of both the burgers before Jason had a chance to take either of them back.

"Ewwwwwwwwwww! Now I can't eat those!" Jason whined like a little kid, stomping his feet slightly.

"Why not? I'm family" Sara said, smiling as if she already knew the answer.

"I don't know where that mouth's been" Jason said bitterly as he sat down in one of the metal chairs that were in front of the table.

"Ow please! You've gone down on more girls than I ever have!" Sara stated as she sat down next to him.

"Have not!" Jason countered, his mouth filled with burger.

"Yes you have!" Sara said as I sat down next to her. "I've had to listen to all your brainless girlfriends brag about how you go down on them whenever they want you to. You're such a tool!" She slightly shouted at him smiling before she put one of her burgers down on Jason's plate and took a bite out of the one still in her hands.

I laughed at them. This job was comfortable enough so far. I was relaxed. The hole atmosphere this place had was relaxing.

"What are you laughing at Ashme?" Jason asked me bitterly with his mouth filled even more with burger, really resembling a five-year-old at that moment.

"Oh, shut up! You're gonna kill the name before it has a chance to live!" Sara said after she swallowed a bite of her burger. "Anyway, were's Spazz?"

"I don't know. She's somewheres' working." Jason said as he finished one of his burgers and started eating the other.

Sara suddenly pulled her cell phone out of her jean pocket and dialed a number. I watched her as she waited for someone to answer. She smiled before she started talking.

"Spazz!" Sara said excitedly, smiling. "My friend's here and we're waiting. We're in the lunch room."

After that, Sara hung her cell phone up and returned it to her pocket. He stood up and took off her old highschool sweatshirt, revealing another tight fitting shirt. This time it was yellow and had the word "Gibson" across it in black letters. She reached into a back pocket of her blue, baggy, faded jeans and took out a name tag. She pinned it onto her shirt and put her hands on her hips as if she had accomplished something.

"Well, I'm ready to work!" Sara stated happily, still smiling.

"What, no uniform?" I asked surprised.

"Uh hello, the name tag" She said in a smart ass voice as she tapped her finger on the name tag.

"That's it?"

"Yup!" Sara proclaimed happily. "The theory here that you work your best when you are comfortable. So we get to were what we want as long as it's appropriate."

"This job just gets better and better" I said as I stood up, growing tired of sitting.

"You haven't heard the best part. We get paid thirty dollars an hour, how freakin awesome is that?" Sara proclaimed with an excited voice as she pushed the chair she had been sitting in under the table.

"This is a dream job" I said as I pushed my chair in as well and leaned against the table.

My attention was brought to the door as I heard it open. When I saw who walked in, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was **_she, Spencer_**. What was she doing here? Out of all the places in the world, she was here.

She had been to busy looking at the ground to notice me at first. As soon as she raised her head and saw me though she stilled. Her eyes mirrored mine, filled with shock and disbelief.

I stared at her and took in her appearance. She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her blonde hair was slightly darker and had grown longer, it hung in her face. Her face had grown more beautiful over time. The tight green shirt and jeans she wore showed me that here body was even more beautiful as well. Her whole presence just seemed to radiate some sort of unknown sexiness.

My heart was pounding and my body slightly shivered. Just being in the same room with her again filled me with such happiness and . . . desire. I just wanted to run to her, embrace her tightly, and give her a long searing kiss. I wanted to show her I was **_sorry_** and that I **_needed_** her in my life so badly.

"Ashley," Sara said, slightly waking me from my trance and not noticing the awkwardness between Spencer and me, "this is Spazz, also known as--"

"Spencer" I interrupted, saying her name in a low, remorseful voice.

I noticed Sara pause from the corner of my eye and actually take a look at how Spencer and I were reacting to each other. Realization seemed to hit her across the face.

"Oh . . . " was all Sara said, sounding as if she knew our whole story.


	4. This is Gonna be a Pain in the Ass

(Switch POV Spencer)

Ashley. Ashley was here. There she was, standing right in front of me. The only thing I could do was stare at her in shock. I mean, why was she here? I finally find enough things to do to block her from my mind and then she just magically appears. Really, why was she here?

I had chosen a college almost 3000 miles away from LA, but somehow she's here. I flew out all the way to Pennsylvania. To go to Penn State, and she's here, right in front of me! It was just blowing my mind. As soon as I was back on track I was knocked right off.

"Umm, Spazz" I heard Sara call me. I looked away from Ashley and toward Sara. "This is the friend I was talking about, the one for the job."

Ashley wanted a job here? She wanted a job where she would be around me every day? HELL NO! "There's no way she's getting it . . . " I thought to myself, anger filling me. I guess my anger was noticeable because Sara began to talk to me again.

"Remember Spazz, never let your personal life interfere with your work life" Sara said in an up beat voice, **_trying_** to lighten the mood but **_failing_** miserably.

I sighed. Sara was right. Ashley was definitely qualified for this job. And as much as I **_did not _**want to give it to her, I had to. I needed more people and she was more qualified than half of the people who came for a job and got it.

I bit my lower lip for control and began to speak. "You're right," I said, getting a surprised look from Ashley, "I should not let my personal life interfere with my work life. So, can you start today?" I asked Ashley, breaking her out of some sort of trance she had been in.

"... Yeah . . . " Ashley hesitantly replied.

"Good, because I need help with equipment for a show tonight. Come with me, you need a name tag and 20$ for a team shirt." Ashley gave me a confused look about my last statement, so I clarified for her. "When you go out to work and help with equipment you need a team shirt or sweatshirt to wear so other people know who set up the stage . . . It's good for our business."

"I get it" Ashley said as she began to walk toward me, catching me off guard. She stopped about three feet in front of me, to close for comfort. "Are we gonna go?" She asked me, catching my attention.

"Yeah, follow me" I said as I tuned around and walked out the door.

Before completely exiting the room I heard Jason and Sara mumble and "Awkward," making me smile. Those two could just make you laugh so easily. I heard Ashley lightly laugh from behind me, I assumed it was for the same reason.

I walked down the dark hallway at a rather fast pace. Every step I took seemed faster than the last one. I guess my feet were trying to do what my brain was screaming; "RUN!" I couldn't though. I had to swallow every bit of anger, pain, resentment, and . . . as much as I hate to admit it . . . love that I felt for Ashley. This was work. I can't just start yelling at her about what happened between us. "... I'll just have to wait until after work . . . " I thought, an evil smile working its way on my face.

I stopped abruptly and felt Ashley bump into me. It caught me off guard, feeling her so close. Every bit of anger that was within me died down at the accidental touch of our bodies. I froze and took a deep breath in. It amazed me that she could make every bit of hateful feelings I had toward her disappear by on little touch. It also made me very angry with myself. How could I **_let_** her have this affect on me?

"Are you okay?" I heard Ashley ask me in almost a whisper. I guess I had stayed still for too long.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I said as I walked a few feet further and made a left.

I walked through the door to my office. In the middle of the room was a metal desk with a computer and light on it. Around the rest of the room were shelves, file cabinets, and boxes that seemed to be invading the room. I looked to my right and hit the light switch to the over head light. The light flooded the room, causing my eyes to wince momentarily.

I walked to the middle of the room, where my desk was, and picked up a box that was in front of it. I put it on top of a free space on my desk and turned to look at Ashley.

My breath caught in my throat when I caught the look in her eyes. They were filled with sorrow and ... desire. I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat hard. I turned back around and opened the box I had put on my desk. Inside were many different colored shirts that had the logo "Take Flight" on the front of them, and on the back they had the words "EP Team."

"What color?" I asked Ashley, not daring to turn and face her.

"What?" I heard her ask slightly confused as she started walking toward me. She topped walking and was standing next to me, curiously looking in the box.

"What color shirt?" I asked her as I looked at her face. She was bitting her lower lip as she looked through the box, trying to decide.

"Can I get more than one?" She asked as looked up at me, smiling.

"Sure, you just have to pay more" I said smiling, not knowing why.

"Score" I heard her say lightly, knowing that she probably starting using that word after being around Sara for so long.

She looked through the box and took a shirt of every color; blue, green, white, yellow, orange, brown. Really, she took one of **every** color. She counted the shirts before speaking to me.

"Okay, so I have ten. How much is that?" She asked as she placed her pile of shirts down on top of my desk and reached into her pocket.

"Two-hundred dollars."

"All right" She said as she grabbed a pile of money from her pocket and began counting.

A few seconds later she handed me the money. I walked over to the other side of my desk and took a lock box out from one fo my drawers. I took a set of keys out of my pocket and opened the box. Once I had placed the money inside me re locked the box and put it bak in its drawer. I looked up to find Ashley staring at me smiling.

"What?" I asked her.

"Nothing" She replied, her warm smile turning into a remorseful one.

There was an awkward silence between us. We just stared at each other. It wasn't until this moment I had a chance to actually take Ashley in. She was still so beautiful.

Her hair was the same long brown and red curls I had known them to be. Her soulful brown eyes were still an open window to her heart. Her face was still as gorgeous as I remembered it to be, the only difference being the bags under her eyes from what I assumed was from loss of sleep. And her body . . . her body was **_killing_** me. Every curve was still as perfect as I could remember. The tight black, long sleeved shirt that had the name of some band on it showed every detail of her upper body. And her tight, ripped, blue jeans did the exact same thing as the shirt. She was literally **_killing_** me.

Just seeing her again was setting of sirens. My heart **_ached_** for her and my body **_ached to feel her. _**Jesus, this was going to be harder than I thought. I'd just have to keep reminding myself that I was at work. My personal life **_could not_** interfere! Wether I wanted to strangle Ashley or fuck her didn't matter, **_neither could happen_**!

"So, should I just got out there and wing it or what?" I heard Ashley ask me, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Well, what do you want to do until seven?" I asked her.

"What's at seven?"

"Concert. You know. You need to be there to help set up the equipment. It's what you just bought all those shirts for . . . "

"Shut up" Ashley said as she laughed. "Umm, how about I just go find Sara and work with her. That way she can show me how it's done."

"Sure" I said.

She waved goodbye to me and walked out my office door. I released a breath I had been holding as soon as she left. **_This was going to be hard._**


	5. Talking Can Help

Okay, the disclaimer you'v all been waitig for.

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING FROM SOUTH OF NOWHERE! I ONLY OWN THE PLOT AND ANY CHARACTERS I'VE MADE UP!

* * *

It's been about one month since Ashley has re-entered my life. It's killing me in every way possible. Just having her around me again was breaking down the walls I had built over my heart. I hadn't even hardly been talking to her. Just a few conversations here and there about some band or something at work, nothing worth remembering. But I remembered every little detail of every interaction I had with Ashley; it made me so very mad at myself.

**_She left me. She pushed me away._** And it made so pissed off that I found myself wanting to be near her. I just wanted to forgive her. I wanted to tell her it was okay. All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and feel the wonderful sensations of being close to Ashley. A whole big part of me wanted to just start fresh. And that's what made the remaining part of me so damn pissed off!

**_She's the one who broke us apart. She was the one who was scared._** I hated her for it. After everything we had been through there was a part of her that still couldn't trust me. So **_she pushed me out _**of her life, claiming it was for my best interest! **_I wanted to try_**. I wanted to wait out the storm until she could completely have faith in me . . . But she let go . . .

I have **_the right _**to hate her! I **_should_** hate her! I should be **_disgusted_** by the sight of her! ... **_But I can't help it_**.I can't help the butterflies that still plague my stomach when she's near. I can't help how my heart swells whenever she smiles. I can't help the urge to just kiss her for just being her wonderful self. And I cannot help the desire I feel for her when I stare into her gorgeous eyes.

It's all so damn confusing! I hate her! ... I do . . . At least, I think I do . . . Oh, I don't know anymore! The emotions she's causing me are so conflicting and confusing! I just wish I could choose one and stick to it.

I sat alone in my apartment bed room on my bed. I was **_supposed _**to be studying for a **huge** test I had in the morning, but all I could do was think about Ashley. Ashley's smile, Ashley's hair. How her body was so perfect and seemed to call to me to touch it. How she made me feel so comfortable and happy by just standing next to me. Everything was about Ashley!

I sighed in frustration as I threw my notebook I had been "studying" from onto the hard wooden floor. I pulled my legs up to my chest and held them there. I rested my head on top of my legs as I **_tried_** to just **_stop_** thinking about Ashley.

I tried, and tried, and tried! It just seemed that the more I tried to not think about her, the more I thought about her. So I tried thinking about her, because maybe then I'd stop once I had my fill. THAT JUST MADE IT A MILLION TIMES WORSE! Now I had tons of memories flashing before my eyes. It just wouldn't stop!

I yelled in frustration as I laid down on my bed. I was supposed to despise her and hate every thought that pops into my head about her! But all I could do was think about how much I loved and missed her.

"AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed at my white painted ceiling, letting out a tiny milligram of frustration.

"What's the matter?" My room mate, Laura, asked as she opened the door to my room and walked in.

"Nothing" I said in an over exaggerated voice.

"Uh-huh" Laura said as she put her arms across her chest and leaned against the door way, looking at me with doubtful eyes.

Laura could read me like a book. Even if I had said nothing subtly and really seemed fine she would be able to tell. See, Laura wasn't just my room mate, she was my cousin. We had always been close. She's the daughter of my dad's brother and my dad and his family are really close. And considering we both grew up in Ohio, we saw each other almost every day. We were still close after I moved out to LA. We talked to each other almost every day, by either phone or computer. I had always wanted to go to Penn State and so had she. So I moved in with her after being accepted into Penn State.

But the thing was, she knew everything about Ashley and me. I even told her every little interaction we had at work. She knew I was still in love with Ashley and could tell it was bothering me. She just seemed to be waiting patiently for me to let it all out.

"You know, you're a horrible liar" Laura continued as she walked into my room and sat down on my bed.

I sat up Indian style on the bed a faced her. She copied me and just smiled, anticipating the moment I would open my mouth.

"I know" I said, still hesitating to talk about anything Ashley related. We sat in silence for a few minutes before Laura grew inpatient.

"Are you gonna tell me or I'm I gonna have to beat it out of you?" She asked as she lightly laughed.

"It makes me so angry at myself," I began, getting Laura's complete attention, "I should despise her . . . I just can't . . . I mean, I'm completely enraged by**_ what she did _**but . . . I'm not even remotely angry **_at her_**."

"It's easy to forgive someone you love" Laura said as she smiled at me in an almost sympathetic way. "Especially when you love someone so much like you love Ashley. I don't even have to see you two together to know how much you love her. Because the way you talk about her . . . when you say her name . . . you can just tell how much you care for her Spencer."

"I don't want to care about her" I said in a pained voice. "I mean . . . she meant so much to me. I gave her my heart, and she let it shatter into a million pieces. Why can't I just hate her?" I asked myself more than Laura as I felt tears threaten to spill from my eyes.

"Because you want to love her more than you want to hate her" Laura said plainly. "There may be a part of you that wants to hate her Spence, but there's an even bigger part of you that just wants to love her. That bigger part of you, even that small par of you that wants to hate her, will **_always_** be in love with her. When you gave her your heart Spencer, you didn't want it back. You never expected to get it back. And when she tried to give it back you pushed her hands away, and that's when it fell to the floor and shattered into a million tiny pieces."

I smiled at her. She was right. I knew all of this, but for some reason hearing it from Laura's mouth reassured me it was right.

"So if she's willing to try to pick up every single tiny piece and put your heart back together, **_don't push her away_**. The love you and Ashley have for each other is so rare to experience. Don't ever push something like that out of your life."

"How is it you can see all of this so clearly and I can't?" I asked her with a warm smile on my face, the tears that I had been holding in my eyes slowly falling.

"If you would just sit back and watch things sometimes you would know" Laura said with a cocky smile plastered on her face.


	6. I Could Just Give Up & Let Her In

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHNG FROM SOUTH OF NOWHERE!

I also used a song by Fort Minor in this chapter called "Where'd You Go?"

* * *

I had felt a lot better after the talk I had with Laura. Hearing the words come from her mouth helped me deal with how I felt. I don't know why, but everything that came out of Laura's mouth made sense and sounded so true. That's probably why hearing her say it made me feel so much better.

Since my talk with Laura I also found it easier to talk to Ashley. I would greet her when I saw her, start conversations with her and hold the conversations for what seemed like hours. Ashley seemed very surprised by my actions. I don't think she expected me to acknowledge her at all. I didn't even expect to. But she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she seemed pleased that I was **_trying_** to slowly break down the wall that was between us. Ashley also tried to break down the wall that was there too. I know she didn't want me to notice, but I did.

It just kept feeling like how it used to be faster and faster. I was getting to a point were I was almost completely comfortable around her. **_That was good_**. I wanted to try and feel comfortable with Ashley again. That way, I might be able to be **_more_** than her friend again. I mean, I still hadn't completely forgiven her for what she did, but I loved Ashley and needed her around me. Especially after being around her so much for the past two months.

I kept falling back in love with everything that was Ashley. The way her nose would scrunch up in that cute little way when she would smile. How her eyes seemed to shine so bright when she was happy. The way she would just look at me. Her whole personality. I was just falling completely head over heals for her and I was still so in love with her. It was incredible.

I was sitting in my office, finishing up some paper work, when every speaker on the first floor suddenly turned on and started playing this piano melody. I rose from my seat and walked out of my office, down the long hallway into the main part of the first floor. I walked past about ten isles of Cd's and stopped in front of one of the main cashiers desks.

Sitting on top of the cashiers desk counter top was Sara and Ashley. Sara had her legs held to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, and her eyes looked deep in thought. Ashley sat leaning back on the counter top of the desk, her legs dangling off of the side, listening to the song that was invading the whole first floor intently. I stopped to listen to the lyrics to, trying to find out from them what this whole ... situation was about.

_Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone. _

She said "Some days I feel like shit,  
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"  
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,  
I get along but the trips always feel so long,  
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,  
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,  
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,  
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,  
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',  
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone.  
Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone,  
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,  
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,  
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,  
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,  
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,  
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,  
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,  
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,  
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',  
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,  
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone.  
Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone,  
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',  
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,  
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,  
It seems one thing has been true all along,  
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,  
I guess I've had it with you and your career,  
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone.Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone,  
Please come back home...  
Please come back home...  
Please come back home...  
Please come back home...  
Please come back home...

As the music faded Sara seemed to snap out of her trance and automatically lowered the music that was blaring as soon as she saw me. She laughed nervously and smiled at me. She looked like a little kid who had just gotten caught steeling a cookie from the cookie jar. It was priceless. "Sorry Spazz," Sara said as she held her cheesy, apologetic smile that was plastered on her face, "Ashley was just telling me about her family. I mean, finally, after all this time. And we were talking about how music can help us escape or relate to things or other people. So I wanted her to hear this song since it seemed to relate to her and her parents so well. That way whenever she's down she can listen to it and wallow in her own self pity."

"Ha, gee, thanks" Ashley said as she playfully smacked Sara on the arm and smiled.

"You're welcome, Ashme" Sara sang her nick name sweetly, mocking her.

"Stop!" Ashley complained, she had really grown tired of that nick name.

"Why? It makes sense. I mean, let's face it Ash, you have "eaten out" a lot ..." I said as I teased Ashley, getting a surprised look from her.

"See, it suites you" Sara said smiling as we both laughed for a few seconds. "Just like how Spazz's nick name fits her. I mean, seriously, she freaks out to easily and to much."

"I do not!" I protested as I raised my voice an octave.

"See" Sara said to Ashley smiling, and they shared a laugh.

"We need a better nick name for you" I said to Sara, not finding it fair that she got it easy when it came to nick names.

"True" Ashley said, using another word that had been rubbed onto her by spending to much time with Sara.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to wait for a special moment" Sara said as she smiled sweetly and jumped of the counter top.

"Oh no, we could always call you Simpson" Ashley said smiling mischievously, getting a threatening look from Sara.

"NO!" Sara protested.

"Why Simpson?" I asked.

"You see, Simpson here hates to be called by her last name cause it's kinda like a guys name" Ashley said, still holding her mischievous smile. "In one of the classes we have together, our teacher calls her by her last name all the time just to get her mad. It's so funny" Ashley said as she began to laugh.

"Well, it's better than lezy-borden" I said as I smiled, liking this nick name so much better.

"NO!" Sara protested again, her face begging with us to not us it as her "new name."

"Yes!" Ashley whined bak in a mimicking voice.

"Fine" Sara said as she started running toward the front door. "But if you're gonna call me by that name then you can find some other way to get home" Sara shouted, sticking her tongue out at Ashley before exiting the building.

"Tell me she did not just ditch me" Ashley said, staring at the spot Sara had just been standing in.

"I could tell you that but that doesn't mean it would be true" I teased at her, trying to cheer her up. "Don't worry, I'll drive you home" I said smiling at her.

Ashley looked at me in grateful disbelief. "Really?" She asked, hope filling her voice.

"I wouldn't say I would and then not do it Davies" I told her as I smiled slyly and walked past her to began closing down the store.

"Hey now, we're not calling me by my last name. It's either one or the other" Ashley said as I began to turn off every piece of equipment in the building that had been left on.

After Ashley helped me turn everything off, I locked up all the doors and we were headed toward my car. It was a cold day in December and the sweatshirt I had brought for a coat wasn't doing me justice. As soon as I reached my car, an old, red Honda model, I jumped in and turned on the heat full blast. I shivered and held myself as Ashley slowly entered the passenger side of the car.

"It might help if you wore a warmer coat" Ashley said in a smart ass tone, smiling at me in a teasing manner.

"Shut up" I said through chattering teeth, smiling.

"And you were the one who grew up in Ohio" Ashley said, sticking her tongue out at me.

"Shut up Ashley!" I shouted at her. Holding my hands over the heating vents as I waited desperately to be warm.

"Here" Ashley said as I felt a large piece of material land on top of me, catching me off guard.

A picked the piece of material up and realized it was Ashley's coat. I tried to give it back to her but she wouldn't take it.

"You're the one who's cold here" Ashley said smiling warmly at me, forcing the coat on top of my body.

"But you'll freeze!" I protested, trying one last time to give her coat back.

"NO! I'm fine! Am I the one who can barely talk because my teeth are chattering? No" Ashley said as I finally accepted the coat. "So stop being an ass and take it."

A comfortable silence passed after that. Ashley and I just stared at each other, soaking in each other's presence. I couldn't suppress the large smile that had spread across my face if I had wanted to. She cared. She cared enough to freeze for me. At least that was a start.

Without warning, Ashley reached across the car and tucked me in the coat. It was sweet of her. Her hand moved from were it had been tucking coat under my arm and caressed my face softly. A look of nervousness passed her face as she did so, not sure on how I would react. Truthfully, I had no idea how I would react. And I was only slightly surprised when I gently pushed my face into the palm of her hand, were it lingered on my cheek.

A smile was spread across Ashley's face. I couldn't quite describe it. It was a mixture of happiness, relief, sorrow, and longing. Her hand moved on my face so her thumb could reach my lips. I parted my lips slightly as she ran her thumb gently across my bottom lip. I shivered at the contact. I was burning, on fire even. I couldn't believe she could still have this effect on me ... or maybe it was the heat finally beginning to work.

Suddenly, Ashley removed her hand and took her jacket off of me. I braced myself for the cold but was engulfed a wave of heat. Ashley folded the coat and placed it on her lap. She smiled at me, it was more of a pleased smile than anything. She stared at me a few more moments.

"Warm?" Ashley asked me, her pleased smile turning into a cocky grin.

"Yes, thank you" I replied to her as I smiled at her.

I started the car and pulled out of the huge parking lot. It was silent for a few minutes, but it was comfortable. I knew Ashley would break it though. She was never really fond of being silent if she wasn't alone.

"So, how exactly did you get this managing job?" Ashley asked, I could hear the grin in her voice.

I kept my eyes on the road as I answered her. "Well, I kinda cheated."

"How do you cheat on getting a job?" Ashley asked me, laughing out the question.

"One of my cousins from my dad's side is signed to Take Flight Records. You may have heard of his band called Lost Souls."

"Lost Souls? Are you kidding me?" Ashley asked in a very disbelieving voice. "You mean, this hole time I've known you, you've had a cousin who is in one of the most popular hardcore bands known to mad kind and you **didn't** tell me?"

"Well, it never came to mind. I didn't really start to even get into his music until recently."

"Spence, you're killing me!" Ashley shouted as I halted the car at a red light. "You have this cousin who's in a band that, not only makes great music, but produces great music, and also **signs** great artists. Do you see were I'm going?" Ashley asked, the desperation and frustration on her face almost humorous.

"Ashley, you don't need my cousin to see you perform to get discovered. You could do that all on your own" I said smiling at her before I began driving again as the green light appeared.

"I know that! I'm just saying it would make things easier" Ashley said; I could hear the cocky ass grin in her voice. "So anyway, did he give you the job?"

"No, not exactly. You see, he was the one who came up with the idea to start a small branch of Take Flight stores. When he found out I was going to go to Penn, he told me about job openings for it. When I went for the interview they said they desperately needed a manager for CD sales and stuff like that. And when they saw that I had taken business classes at King on my resume they offered me the job. Plus, the fact that they new that I was Charlie's cousin helped a little."

"Wait, Charlie? You're cousins with Charlie from Lost Souls?" Ashley asked, her voice sounding disbelieving. "Are you kidding me? Spence, **_are you kidding me?_** Charlie is like the only male I would ever screw! He's so damn gorgeous and talented! And you've been cousins with him all this time! That just blows my mind!" Ashley became silent for a moment, I assumed she was thinking. "Well, I mean, now I know why you're so damn good looking! I mean, anyone related to Charlie is most likely sexy as hell, which you are."

"Smooth Ash" I said as I laughed and shook my head in disbelief.

"What, Im just saying ... you're hot" Ashley said, I could see her smiling and eying me down from the corner of my eye.

It was silent for a few moments once again. I could feel Ashley's eyes boring into me, burning a hole right into my soul. It was ... comforting in a way. I don't really know why, but it just made me feel comfortable to have her watching me. It even made me feel safe.

"So, on what part of campus do you live?" I asked her as I pulled into the opening driveway of the U-Arts' College Campus.

"Just keep going all the way down to were all the trees are, wayyyyyyyyyyyyy in the back. Then, make a left."

I followed her directions and parked infront of a five-story building. It was, I assumed, originally white but had been "decorated" over the years by the people who had moved in and out of it. There were murals made of paint and spray-paint covering almost every inch of the building from where I could see it. It seemed to suite Ashley in a way. It was creative, unique, and wacky, just like her.

"You wanna come up?" Ashley asked me.

I froze. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be a lone in any room with Ashley, let alone her apartment. Ashley could sense my hesitation and automatically began to try and comfort me.

"Don't worry Spence. Sara should be here by now. And if she's not here than I promise I'll leave the front door open so you can run out anytime you want to" Ashley said smiling at me, trying her best to make me feel safe.

"Okay" I agreed as I turned off my car.

"Oh wait," Ashley said as her jacket came hurtling at me for the second time that day, "put that on. I don't want you freezing before we reach the front door."

"Ha, ha!" I exclaimed as I put the coat on and watched her exit the car.

Once I got out of the car, I followed Ashley through the front doors of her dorm. I was automatically greeted with millions of different types of music filling me head. The mixture seemed bitter-sweet in a way. It was intriguing enough to keep you interested but horrible enough to make you go crazy.

I stayed close to Ashley's side as I followed her up the stairs. To my surprise, they're weren't a lot of people in the dorm. Maybe it was because tomorrow was the start of Christmas break. It still completely astounded me though that there seemed to be hardly anyone in the building, especially with all of the different kinds of music blaring.

When we reached Ashley's door I was relieved. I could hear some of Sara's crazy music blaring through the door. "Thank God! I don't know what I would have done if I had been left alone with Ashley ..." I thought as I entered the room.

"Spazz!" Sara shouted at me as she engulfed me into a friendly hug. "What's up? How was your ride here with Ashme? Horrible I assume, considering her company is plain bothering."

"Haha!" Ashley laughed mockingly as she offered her hand out to take the coat that I had been wearing.

Ashley took the coat and my sweatshirt and hung it over the side of one of the black leather couches in the room. She sat down on the couch to the far wall and I sat down next to Sara on the couch to my right.

"She likes me better" Sara proclaimed to Ashley teasingly as she stuck her tongue out at her.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever" Ashley mumbled as she lowered Sara's music and walked toward their overly large fridge.

"Well, I'm surprised" Sara said as she tried to begin a conversation. "I never thought you would have driven her home. I was hoping you'd leave her there so I could get some rest tonight."

"So you could get some rest?" I questioned Sara, almost positive she would respond with a cocky answer.

"Yeah! I mean, this girl's always bothering me for sex! It gets tiring!"

I laughed as I watched Ashley spit out the water she had just poured into her mouth. She started laughing hard as she tried not to drop the water bottle that was in her hand.

"Yeah, righttttttttttttttttttttt" Ashley said as she opened the rather large fridge in the dorm room. "Would you like something to drink Spence" Ashley asked me.

"What do you have?" I asked as I watched Sara disappear and then reappear with an acoustic guitar.

"We have some Coke, water, Root Beer, Beer ..." Ashley trailed off.

"I'll have a water" I told her, not believing that I checked her out as she bent over to get a water bottle out of the fridge.

"Throw me a Root Beer please Ash" Sara asked as I watched her tune her guitar, thankful she hadn't notice me check out Ashley. "So Spazz, I wrote this song about my Grandmother. Now, I want you take it seriously so pay close attention."

"Okay" I said as Ashley handed me my water bottle and put Sara's Root Beer on the wooden table in between the two couches.

Ashley sat down on the other couch with a knowing smile plastered across her face. Obviously she had heard this song before, and the smile on her face made me question the sincerity of the song I was about to hear.

Sara started playing the song, strumming strings fast. It sounded like a folk tale or country song. And I knew then that it wasn't to be taken seriously just because Sara was the type of person who thinks folk or country music has no point.

_One day, when my Grandmother was young,_

_A young woman of 17_

_She fell in love with the milk man,_

_who was 23_

_she'd smile with him and flirt_

_whenever he was around_

_and one day while exchanging glass bottles_

_she invited him inside ..._

_At first, she was real modest,_

_holding friendly conversation_

_but it all changed direction_

_when she lifted up her skirt_

_The milk man swallowed hard_

_on his own milk he'd brought_

_and followed Grandma through the house_,

_out to her old barn ..._

_On that day,_

_Grandma had a little fun_

_with the milk man in that old barn_

_eventually she had a bun in the oven,_

_catching her father off guard_

_but the milk man tried to marry Grandma,_

_but my Great Grandfather wouldn't approve_

_And now I'm known_

_The Granddaughter of the bastard son of the Milk Man from Peru! _

_Oh yes,_

_The Granddaughter of the bastard son of the Milk Man from Peru! _

I was laughing so hard by the time that song ended. I had fallen back into the comfy material of the couch and was clutching my stomach as I laughed so hard. I moved one of my hands away from my stomach to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"OH MY GOD!" I shouted, not being able to contain myself. From the corner of my eye I could see Ashley laughing too, holding it in better than I was. "The granddaughter of the bastard son of Peru? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA! THAT'S GREAT!"

"I thought you'd like that" Sara said smiling at me as she began to lazily stroke her guitar.

"You're incredible" Ashley mumbled smiling, still holding back laughter.

"Ashley, I know I'm incredible. You tell me this **_every_** night."

"Shut up!" Ashley shouted as she threw her now empty water bottle at Sara, hitting her on the head.

For about the next three hours we all sat there and talked. We talked aboutwork, music, cars, the weather, our lives; everything and everything we could talk about. It was around eleven when Sara decided to call it a night. She claimed she needed her rest because she was going to perform with Jason and his band at a fund raiser all of the next day. Ashley and I said goodnight and then I was left **_all alone with Ashley_**.

"So, what do you want to do?" Ashley asked me with a smile. She had been staring and smiling at me all night. It made my heart pound in my chest.

"I don't know. What is there to do?" I asked, returning her smile like I had been all night.

"Well, we can't do anything too noisy or Sara will literally kill us for waking her up. So, hot steamy sex is out" Ashley said as she bit he lower lip, trying to act like she was actually thinking hard on the subject. "We could always watch some tv."

"Okay, but where's the tv?" I asked as I looked around the main room to their dorm, no television in sight.

"I have one in my room. Sara doesn't like watching tv for anything except music so she hardly watches it at all."

I was nervous as Ashley got up and walked into the room closest to the couch I was sitting on. She came back out and looked at me for a moment, trying to figure out why I was hesitating. When realization hit her she smiled and shook her head a little bit.

"Spence, I already told you. As disappointed as I am about it, we can't have hot steamy sex. So just come and watch some tv with me."

I smiled at her, some what relieved and disappointed all at once.I won't deny that there was a part of me that **_wanted_** to have hot steamy sex with Ashley, but I couldn't. Neither of us were ready for the emotion that act held between us.

I stood from the couch and stretched, Ashley's eyes never leaving me as she waited for me. I began to walk toward her and she headed back into her room. I walked into the room and took it in. It wasn't quite Ashley but it was getting there.

To my left was a set of drawers which had been decorated with pictures. Across from me was a desk that had a lamp and laptop on top of it. It was also decorated with different pictures. There was a bulletin board above the desk which had various pieces of paper pinned to it, giving it a messy feel. In the far corner of the room was a queen sized bed. It's mixture of blue and purple sheets were tangled with each other, making it look extremely comfy. In the corner across from the bed was a wooden stand with a rather large tv on top of it

Ashley made herselfcomfy as she laid down on the bed, grabbing two pillows to prop her head with. She turned on the tv and smiled at me. **_Why did this site seem so familiar_**?

"Can you close the door before you come over hear?" Ashley asked me as her attention was turned toward the tv.

I closed the door and walked over to the bed. I laid down beside her using the remaining two pillows to prop my head up as well. From the corner of my eye I saw Ashley smile. I smiled as well.

We watched tv for what seemed like hours. We watched MTV, a few Movies, and we caught the ending of an episode of The L Word. The hole time thought I could feel Ashley's eyes on me. I finally looked over at her and smiled sweetly when I realized where she had been staring the hole time.

My hand. She had been staring at my hand. I knew Ashley Davies, and when she stared at something she wanted it. This hole time she just wanted to hold my hand but was to shy to. Ashley Davies shy? It was incredible and sweet. It made my heart melt.

When Ashley realized I was looking at her she averted her eyes to the tv. I could have sworn she was blushing. I smiled and shook my head. This was the side of Ashley Davies I had come to discover was under her facade. And I always thought this side of her was so loving, adorable, and gentle. This side of her made me feel so warm at heart.

"You can just hold it" I said, smiling a knowing smile at her. I was right to assume she had been blushing because her face became ten times more red than it had been.

"I know ..." Ashley responded, her voice sounding shy and innocent.

I waited only a few minutes before **_I_** took her hand in mine. I kept my eyes on her as I did so, watching a smile work its way on her face. She looked over at me, her eyes filled with happiness, relief, and longing. "Oh God, those eyes ..." I thought as I stared into them, allowing myself to become lost in a haze of brown.

"We should go to bed" Ashley said in such a light voice I wouldn't of recognized it coming from her mouth if I hadn't of seen her say it.

"Alright" I said as I rose from her bed, noticing a quick look of panic cross her face.

I walked over to Ashley's desk with the computer on it and turned the light off. The only light left in the room was the glow of the tv. I walked over to her drawers and began searching for comfortable close. I grabbed two pairs of sweat pants and two old t-shirts, and threw one of each over at Ashley. She smiled in a devious way as I began to change in front of her, holding her gaze the hole time.

Once we were both changed and had stopped ogling over each other's bodies, I walked back to her bed and laid back down. I grabbed the remote that was in between us and turned the tv off. I felt Ashley untangle the covers and pull them up over both of our bodies.

"Good night" I said in almost a whisper, my heart beating fast within my chest.

"Good night" Ashley whispered back, the hot air of her breath hitting the back of my neck, making me shiver.

Before falling asleep, I felt Ashley wrap her arm around my waist, pulling me closer to her. I sighed in contempt. **_I had wanted to be in her arms for so long_**.


	7. The Second Chance I've Been Dying For

(Switch POV Ashley)

I hadn't slept once the entire night. I was too preoccupied re-memorizing how Spencer's body felt against mine. It seemed to fit so perfectly into me. I was too caught up the scent that radiated from her body, flowers and strawberries. The scent intoxicated my lungs and sent shocks through my entire body. And when she would turn and face me in her sleep I fell in love over and over again with her beautiful, peaceful face. I sighed. I felt so at peace just laying by her side. My heart was overwhelmed with the close proximity.

I woke Spencer up some time around noon. I gently shook her body, slowly weaning her into consciousness. I would whisper into her ear lightly and sing a "good morning" or "it's time to get up." She would just smile and remain in the limbo between sleeping and full consciousness.

"Come on, Spence" I said lightly, staring at her intently.

"No" She said in a childish voice as she scrunched her face in the cutest way, causing me to smile in adoration.

"You gotta get up, Spence" I said as I placed my hand onto her face, running my thumb across her skin lightly.

"Mmmmmmmm" She moaned in despair, loving her sleep so dearly.

Spencer leaned into my touch, stretching her body in the process. She held her hands above her head and curved her body in more toward me, pressing her body more firmly into mine and sending a million jolts through my body. I took in a deep breath and tried to force myself to release it before Spencer opened her eyes. Unfortunately, just as I released the shaky breath Spencer was wide awake, staring at me as realization hit her.

"I'm sorry" Spencer said as she moved a few inches away from my body. _"No"_ I thought, hating myself for breathing.

"It's fine" I said, trying to muster the most innocent smile I could.

Spencer stared at me for a moment. I guess she was trying to decide whether to say something cocky or if she should just let it go. A cocky grin grew on her face, giving me my answer.

"I'm sure you don't mind. I mean, who wouldn't mind having my sexy ass **_this close_**?" Spencer asked me, pushing body in toward me as she pronounced the last two words with exaggeration.

I closed my eyes at the contact, damning myself for it. I was letting her get the best of me. I was letting her use the advantages I had learned she had over me so long ago. I opened my eyes, feeling the lust and attitude they held. Spencer seemed taken aback and halted, seeming mesmerized.

"Ash?" Spencer questioned as I felt myself being dragged in toward her face.

Those lips. How badly I wanted to kiss them. I wanted to ravish them so that they would be bruised. I wanted to feel the accomplishment of wearing those sexy, lush lips out, just like I had done millions of times before. Oh, how badly I wanted to feel the sweet heavenly extasy of those lips.

I stopped moving toward Spencer a few mere centimeters from her lips. I used my hand that still lingered on her cheek and moved it slightly so I was able to run my thumb across her bottom lip. She shivered. I smiled widely. I had **_always loved_** the effect I had on her. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, **_I_** was what controlled every fiber of longing, want, and need that burned underneath her skin. Just like **_she_** controlled everything that burned beneath mine.

I parted my lips slightly, seeming as if I was going to kiss her. Spencer stared at my lips, just as mesmerized as I was. She **_wanted_** the kiss. I knew it. I **_wanted_** it just as bad. But I had a plan and I was going to stick to, no matter how damned**_ tempting_** she was.

I smiled evilly, my lips still parted, hovering over hers. "Get up" I whispered onto her lips, causing her to close her eyes tightly and shutter.

I smiled pleasingly as I rose from the bed, making sure to climb over her body and make skin contact in the process. She groaned very loudly as I headed out of my room.

"You're such a damn tease!" I heard her shout at me as I headed toward the fridge for some lunch.

After eating and getting dressed, Spencer and I decided to check out the fund raiser concert Sara had told us about. I had seen flyers all over every college campus I had been to with directions on every single flyer. So I just grabbed one of the flyers and Spencer and I headed out to find it.

We drove around for about an hour until we found ourselves in a small town called Riverside, in New Jersey. We parked near down town, having to walk about five blocks because it was so crowded. When we reached down town, it was filled with tons of different music stands. Stand for fund raisers, stands from major music companies, stands from recording companies; stands for just about everything to involve with music. Not to mention there were food stands everywhere. Places like Stewart's, to White Castle, to some dinner, and random brazil food stands that seemed to in populate the town.

As Spencer and I walked further down town, lightly letting our hands brush, I was greeted with loud music and Sara's voice. I smiled as I took Spencer's hand in mine firmly and walked her through the crowd that surrounded the band that Sara was playing with to the front, making sure Sara could see us. When she spotted us while performing she flashed us a quick smile, seeming happy we were there.

"Loud enough?" I heard Spencer shout near my ear, making sure I was able to hear her.

"Of course not!" I shouted back, steeling a smile from Spencer.

I grasped Spencer's hand firmly in mine as I turned from her to take in the band. There was Sara, who was playing a very nice, white Les Paul and was singing. Jason had a nice, black Les Paul and was singing as well. A bass player that had a nice, green and white Fender who also had a microphone but was not using it at the moment. Then there was the drummer who was hidden in the back round, playing on a nice set of cherry-red Pearl drums. They all looked sweaty and exhausted but seemed to be to into the music they were playing to care. I was concerned for Sara's well being though. It wasn't good to be sweating like that outside on a cold December's day.

After about an hour of standing there with Spencer, holding her hand, watching them play, I dragged Spencer away from the band so we could go look at all of the different stands. I had a field day! I kept going on and on about every little musical item I saw, telling Spencer random, useless facts. But she listened and smiled, trying her best to keep interest.

A couple of hours after I was done looking, Spencer looked like she was about to freeze. I ran her back to that car as fast as I could, turning the heat on full blast. I knew she would be okay when her teeth stopped chattering. A wave of relief washed over me. I had almost frozen her to death. _"God, I'm so selfish"_ I thought to myself, staring at Spencer as she hovered over the heating vents of my car. _"I almost made Spencer freeze because I wanted to look at every little thing there. Damn me!"_

"It's okay" I heard Spencer whisper to me, smiling brightly.

I hadn't realized I had been staring at Spencer while I was yelling at myself in my head. She must have noticed my worried eyes.

"Really. I'm fine" Spencer said as she took hold of my hand and squeezed it. I jumped at how cold her fingers felt.

"Jesus Spencer! You're freezing!" I said as I cupped her hand with both of mine, more worry filling me.

"I'm fine" She reassured me once again, putting her free hand on top of my mine.

"But--"

"Really, I am truly fine. I wouldn't say I was if I wasn't" She said as she rubbed my hands with her free one, sending a rush of comfort and happiness through my hole body.

We stared at each other for a few long moments, enjoying the feel of the each other's hands. I couldn't suppress the smile that formed on my face. It seemed all I had been doing since Spencer came back into my life was smiling, and I didn't mind. Just being around her made me feel like I was on top of the world. Her presence alone made me feel so ecstatic. Even if she was in a room with me yelling, I still don't think I would have minded. She was just . . . good for my soul.

"Hey Spence . . . " I began, a lump forming in my throat at just the thought of the conversation I was just about to start.

"Yeah?" She asked me concerned, noticing the seriousness in my voice.

"I'm . . . sorry." I said as I stared deep into her eyes, trying to put every once of sincerity I had in me into those two familiar words, desperately wanting them to have meaning again.

"Ashley, I'm fine--"

"No Spencer, **_I'm sorry_**" I said again with the same amount of seriousness.

Spencer realized what I meant and slowly pulled her hands away from mine. She turned from me a looked outside the car window, staring at the old, rotting building infront of her. She waited a few minutes before answering me, my heart beating harder in every second of silence that passed by.

"Why do you . . . ?" Spencer started as she turned back toward me. Her face looked tortured and sad, and her eyes were glistening with tears. "Why do you do this Ashley? We were having a good time and you . . . bring **_that_** up. Why?"

"I needed to say."

"Why now?" Spencer asked shouting, a single tear cascading down her face.

"Because I finally had the courage I needed to say it" I said, my voice sounding sorrowful and desperate. "I'm truly sorry, Spencer. God, I don't think you have any idea how sorry I am."

"Well sorry doesn't help, Ashley!" Spencer full on screamed at me, letting all of her tears fall from her gorgeous blue eyes. I winced at the sound of her voice and at the sight of her present state, she was shattering to pieces again and **_I was to blame, again_**. "Sorry doesn't just make things go away, Ashley! It doesn't help the sting of rejection, or the burn of losing you! Saying sorry only shows that you know you messed up and that you're willing to fix it, it doesn't help!"

By now, Spencer was sobbing, barely able to talk. The never-ending pool of tears that flowed so easily from her eyes racked her body, causing her to shake involuntarily. I reached for her hand and as I was about to grab hold of it she pulled it away. I reached for it again and latched on, not letting her escape my grasp.

"But **_I am sorry_**," I said as I brought her hand to my mouth and began to place light kisses on it between every word that came out of my mouth, "and**_ I am willing _**to fix the mess I made of your heart."

Spencer began to cry more as she latched onto my body and tightly embraced me. At first, it took me off guard, but it wasn't long until I returned the embrace, not wanting to **_ever_** let go. She berried her head in the crook of my neck, sobbing all of her sorrow into it. I held her tighter, if it was even possible, and began to soothingly rub her back.

I wanted to cry. Her crying made me so feel so tormented. But I wouldn't cry, I would hold on for her. I just held her in my arms for what seemed like forever until she finally stopped crying. She eventually leaned back so we were able to stare into each other's eyes.

"I mean it Spence. I'm willing to pay for my mistakes if you're willing to take me back" I said as a small smile formed on my lips.

"Good," Spencer said as she returned my smile, her voice raspy from all of her crying, "because I **_want _**to forgive you. I **_want _**to be with you." My smile widened and a ray of hope filled my heart. "That doesn't mean everything's going to be like it was. Eventually it'll almost be the same, but I need time to heal, to learn how to **_trust_** you again."

"I know" I said, my voice coming out as a whisper. "As long as there's hope . . . "

Spencer smiled brightly as she leaned in and brushed her lips against mine. My heart stopped at that moment. After my shock had subsided, I gently leaned into the kiss, not pushing and further. She pulled away and I couldn't hide the giant smile that was spread across my face. She just nodded her head and bit her lower lip as she began to trace the outlines of my face. I closed my eyes and savored every touch. I heard her laugh lightly before pulling away from me completely, leaving me cold. I opened my eyes and found Spencer putting her seat belt on.

"Let's go" Spencer said, waiting for me to move. I drug my eyes away from her and turned my attention to driving. **_Here was the second chance I had been dying for._**


End file.
